67 Thoughts I Always Have Mid-Week Drinking

1.  After the day I’ve had, I deserve a pint
2. Just the one though, don’t want to be hungover at work tomorrow
3. Like that’s never happened before…
4. Clearly I shouldn’t feel guilty about this, it’s not like I’m drinking alone - at least three of my friends are coming too.
5. Aw, someone just offered to get a round in, how kind!
6. I have the nicest friends
7. But now we’re all gonna have to buy a round to make it even, right?
8. It’ll be fine, I’ll just take it slow and hope no one clocks on when it’s my turn to get the drinks in
9.The first pint is all about politeness; everyone asking how work is going, what’s new, commenting on how tired we all are.
10. Speak for yourselves; I’m halfway through my pint already, who’s getting the next one?
11.  Empty glasses, no one is getting another drink?!
12. Disaster!
13. We’ve not actually come out for just one drink, have we?
14. I need at least three
15. Okay, credit card to the rescue
16. Everyone wants another – hooray!
17. Wait, can I afford this?
18. I definitely cannot afford this
19. My card is going to be declined
20. Oh, it wasn’t declined
21. I’m taking this as a sign
22. The beer Gods must be smiling upon me
23. We are all totally going to Chicken Cottage after this, I just know it
24. I’m gonna have wings
25. Right, the tricky second pint; we’re onto relationship talk
26. I’m just gonna sit back before people realise I have nothing to contribute
27. I’m so single
28. I wish I had someone to complain about right now
29. Smile and nod, smile and nod
30. Imagine if I met the love of my life tonight
31. Everyone always says you’ll meet your soul mate when you least expect it
32. Ah shit, now I’m expecting it
33. Ooooo, third pint
34. I love the third pint, everyone starts recounting horrendous dating stories
35. I can definitely join in this one
36. Hahahaha, I am literally hilarious
37. All of my friends are hilarious
38. I bet everyone else in here would also agree that we are hilarious
39. Look at us, having the best time on a WEDNESDAY
40. ‘Why Not Wednesday’ – that is what this day shall be called from now on
41. I’m gonna make names for all the days
42. Yaaay! Fourth pint! When did you appear, you sneaky little minx?
43. I can’t remember what I have to do tomorrow
44. I hope it’s nothing too important
45. I bet I won’t even be that hungover, I’ll just buy a Lucozade or something on the way to the office
46. It’ll be fine.
47. Fifth pint?! I never agreed to this
48. Okay, I’ll drink it anyway
49. It would be rude not to
50. Wait, are we talking about world issues now?
51. And politics?
52. I know stuff about this
53. People think I don’t, but I actually do
54. My views on this subject will stun everyone
55. Literally no one heard me
56. They’re missing out
57. I am smart
58. And hungry, is it time for some wings yet?
59. Yes!! It’s time for wings
60. Headphones at the ready for the inevitable Le Mis sing-a-long on the way home
61. Wiiiiiiiings
62. Now the wings are gone, I’m a little sad
63. I’m just gonna cry at my flatmates about other things I’m sad about
64. Ah shit, now we’re all crying
65. What an emotional rollercoaster
66. Rollercoasters make me feel sick
67. Okay, time for bed
68. I’m 99.9% sure I will not regret any of these decisions tomorrow


67. Fuck.