20 Sad truths about returning to London after the holidays
1. No more of mum’s dinners. Yes, it’s an obvious one, but it’s still very distressing.
2. Despite days… weeks… months of ‘station upgrades’ and ‘planned maintenance’ the tube is still a pit of absolute hell in the mornings – seriously, what have they been doing down there all this time?!
3. It seemed exciting and generous when work paid you a week early in time for Christmas. But now you’re not even half way through January and you’re wondering how £25 and an Accessorize Christmas voucher is going to see you through until the end of the month.
4. “Shall we just go to the pub?” Seems like the best way to solve any kind of problem in January.
5. Those Christmas lights that have been blinding us for a month or two are suddenly turned off and now you kind of miss them, even though they were totes tacky and stupid...
6. Commuting was a novelty again for approximately 8 seconds.
7. So many “How was your Christmas?” “Good thanks, yours?” “Yeah, good thanks…” conversations, you should probably just start assuming that everyone’s Christmas has and always will be “good, thanks”.
8. It’s not going to be acceptable for you to listen to the Michael Bublé Christmas album again for another 11 months… I see you - turn it off now.
9. Everyone has made about 749962539 New Year resolutions and you’re just all “Where’s the wine at?”
10. Hello again, Sainsbury’s clearance section.
11. Being back in London for well over a week and still not being able to bring yourself to unpack.
12. Pints don’t cost £3 anymore : (
13. The rapport you’d been steadily building with the friendly Pret server in the hope of being given a free toastie is now dashed and you’re going to have to start all over again.
14. You can no longer yell, “YOU CAN’T JUDGE ME, IT’S CHRISTMAS!” when someone raises an eyebrow at you for opening a bottle of red wine and chocolate gateau at 11am on a Wednesday.
15. Having bought an overly priced Christmas jumper like, three weeks ago and not being able to wear it again for basically a year – What is this life?
16. Summer seems like literally months away… Oh, yeah that’s because it is.
17. Where’s the mulled wine gone?
18. There are no more Disney films on in the middle of the day for you to veg out to whilst wearing your Christmas onsie and new novelty slippers.
19. Oh, TFL have raised tube fares again? Probably to upgrade some more stations or plan some more maintenance.
20. Now that the advent calendars have been polished off, we’re all going to have to wait until Easter before we can eat chocolate everyday for three weeks again.